I recently had a little free time on my hands (it was actually more active avoidance of things like laundry and pressing world problems like what’s-for-dinner) and ran across a story on the internet about a village in Mozambique where 69 people died and nearly 200 more were admitted to the hospital after drinking beer that was contaminated with crocodile bile. Stop the washer and dryer! This is big!
From what I read (feel free to Google this if you think I’m making it up), it seems like half the country of Mozambique showed up for a funeral and drank the poisoned beer. Okay, first of all, if you’re giving away free beer, yes, you should expect half the country to show up. Even for a funeral. Of course, now there’s going to be 69 more funerals and maybe more. For those, though, I’d stick with the punch or bring your own. I’m wondering if anyone has turned the glaring eye of accusation at the local funeral director as his business has suddenly and rather suspiciously skyrocketed.
According to reports, the poison came from the gall bladder of a crocodile, and this isn’t the first time. Knocking folks off with croc excrement is a common crime there. When a crocodile is killed, the gall bladder is immediately removed and buried in front of witnesses to keep it out of the wrong hands. I guess they don’t have activists demanding constitutional rights to bear arms … or other body parts and organs.
The beer in question is a traditional local drink made from corn flour and brewed for all of two days. So basically, we’re spiking the moonshine with dead reptile bile. This maybe makes sense since you’re not going to have anyone commenting that their beer tastes bad if it’s poisoned because it probably already tastes really bad anyway.
One does have to ask at this point if the large, man-eating, river lizard had elective surgery to have the gall bladder removed or was he dead? Was it, in fact, his funeral? Wouldn’t that be ironic?! And how many crocodile organs did someone have to try out before they finally figured out that the bile from the gall bladder was deadly? Are there parts of a crocodile that you’d actually want to eat? Suddenly answering that dinner question at my house just got easier!