The end of one year and the beginning of the new. Clean slate. Fresh start. Blah, blah, blah. Since I’m not a fan of New Year’s resolutions, I started a month ago to subtract something detrimental from my life and add something positive. I figured if I could hold a commitment to these new habits through the holidays, then I would be more likely to continue them through tsunamis, famine, the Super Bowl, and the first few days of the Zombie Apocalypse. Wow, was this ever a dumb idea.
So I gave up drinking diet sodas. Actually, I gave up drinking all sodas, and it wasn’t pretty. Imagine a rabid dingo with a crack habit suddenly cut off cold turkey. Then multiply that by 2.8 million and add a headache. That was about where I was those first few days. And it was cold turkey. It’s not as if I could just hook a main artery to the Mr. Coffee Machine and feel better. I don’t drink coffee. Never, ever have, so why start now?
For two solid weeks, I would drive a mile and a half out of my way to avoid Sonic during Happy Hour, afraid that my will power would shatter and I’d be banging on the drive-thru window screaming that if I got a Route 44 vanilla diet Dr. Pepper the hostages would be spared. Two hours later, they’d find me with my face stuck under the drink fountain at Buc-cee’s, dead broke, with a bag of Doritos in my hand and a crazed look in my eyes. Better to just avoid that temptation all together.
Now that I’ve started marking my success in weeks rather than 15-minute blocks of time, I can honestly say that, while I am no longer feeling carbonated, I am probably not a better person for this. I’m pretty sure that my kidneys, my dentist, my checkbook, my bone density and all the nice people at the Lipton Tea Corporation probably would beg to differ on that, but it’s still kind of a touchy subject with me, so I don’t care what they think. The truth is, though, now I’m actually afraid to drink a diet soda, afraid that it won’t be the same and all my wonderful memories will be tarnished. So I trudge on alone, soda-free.
Oh, the good thing I added? I floss regularly. Whoop-dee-do.