Monthly Archives: April 2016

And the winner is…

pulp I wrote a play that was produced at Brazosport Center Stages last fall and, I’m proud to say, it has been chosen to anchor the upcoming season for Echo Theatre, a well-respected regional theater in Dallas. If that’s not cool enough, the play was then submitted for a 2016 Pulitzer Prize for Drama! The winners were announced Monday, April 18th and the award (plus the $10,000 check) went to…

The smash Broadway musical hit “Hamilton.” What the heck?! Who submitted that?! That’s so late 1700s. I’ve been totally over all that for like 240 years already. And when did we start overlooking that it’s the Pulitzer Prize for Drama not Musical? Whatever.

So my “touchingly honest and, at times, zany look at the challenges of aging” play against one of the Founding Fathers of the United States of America. That doesn’t seem fair. I feel that I should challenge him to a duel for the theatrical honor of it all! If you didn’t sleep through all your American history classes, you know that President Alexander Hamilton was shot to death by his vice-president in a similar duel. So me versus a dead guy who is 0-for-1 with dueling pistols. Yeah, those odds are about even.

This year, for the first time, the winners were announced during a live feed broadcast from Pulitzer Hall at Columbia University which reflected a giant leap into the modern electronic era for the prize. It also gave all my friends and family the opportunity to share my disappointment in real time. Personally, I was hoping for a Steve Harvey Miss Universe moment where the head of the Pulitzer committee would recognize his goof and correct himself on that particular award, yank the oversized sparkly crown off the head of the undeserving Broadway juggernaut and crown me the winner. So far he’s not willing to do that, so I guess I better ready my “It’s Such an Honor Just to be Included” speech after all.

On the upside, I got beat out by, from what I hear, is really a great show. Not that I will ever go see it now because that’s the bad sport that I am. I’m sure if it’d gone the other way, Alexander Hamilton wouldn’t come see my show either. Even if he weren’t dead.

In all sincerity (which I rarely display), it truly is such an honor just to have my script read, but I suppose I better start working on another play. We’ll get ‘em next time!

         

 

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Wham. Slam. And Banana Lives Matter.

Wham460x276There have been several times in my life when I’ve been told that my mouth could use a better filter. (Truth: several times just this past week.) Okay, my mouth could use any filter. A bad one would be better than none at all which is what I have now. Except I believe that until sound-thinking, intelligent Americans start speaking out, we won’t see change. Until sound-thinking, intelligent Americans start speaking out, then all you’ve got is me.

To the radio station that says they’re going to play my “favorite hits from the 80’s,” and then plays “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” by Wham, I say oh heck no. There are no songs by the group Wham that are anyone’s favorites from the 80’s or ever. No one really liked them 30 years ago, back when we were all stabbing our inner ears with screw drivers because of Eddie Murphey’s “Party All the Time.” (Don’t remember how bad that was, YouTube it.) To that same radio station, if you play any song by Air Supply, I’ll rip the preset button off my radio, because I know you’ve sold your broadcasting license to Satan.

To the kid who bagged my groceries at Kroger, I can’t wait for the day when you actually have to pay for the food you eat. Maybe that will give you a new perspective about tossing my six pound, frozen roasting chicken on top of my bananas and ripe avocados. Yes, I was going to make guacamole, but not until I got home where I could have smushed the avocados myself. There was nothing more I could do but apologize sincerely to the bananas for the abuse they suffered, commit myself to stopping it from happening to other bananas, and then make banana bread. So hear me now: Banana Lives Matter!

To the guy who sat behind me in church, I know its allergy season. All of us living in the yellow-green haze know its allergy season, but take a dadburn Zyrtec already. God loves and forgives the sinner. I’m guessing He does the same for the sneezer, the snotter, and the pollen intolerant, but for the sake of all that’s holy, please take a Benadryl.

These might seem like small issues, but, if they’re not addressed now, they’ll become the downfall of our society. Therefore, someone has to speak up now! Go forward and spread the word. And, you’re welcome.

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