Wham. Slam. And Banana Lives Matter.

Wham460x276There have been several times in my life when I’ve been told that my mouth could use a better filter. (Truth: several times just this past week.) Okay, my mouth could use any filter. A bad one would be better than none at all which is what I have now. Except I believe that until sound-thinking, intelligent Americans start speaking out, we won’t see change. Until sound-thinking, intelligent Americans start speaking out, then all you’ve got is me.

To the radio station that says they’re going to play my “favorite hits from the 80’s,” and then plays “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” by Wham, I say oh heck no. There are no songs by the group Wham that are anyone’s favorites from the 80’s or ever. No one really liked them 30 years ago, back when we were all stabbing our inner ears with screw drivers because of Eddie Murphey’s “Party All the Time.” (Don’t remember how bad that was, YouTube it.) To that same radio station, if you play any song by Air Supply, I’ll rip the preset button off my radio, because I know you’ve sold your broadcasting license to Satan.

To the kid who bagged my groceries at Kroger, I can’t wait for the day when you actually have to pay for the food you eat. Maybe that will give you a new perspective about tossing my six pound, frozen roasting chicken on top of my bananas and ripe avocados. Yes, I was going to make guacamole, but not until I got home where I could have smushed the avocados myself. There was nothing more I could do but apologize sincerely to the bananas for the abuse they suffered, commit myself to stopping it from happening to other bananas, and then make banana bread. So hear me now: Banana Lives Matter!

To the guy who sat behind me in church, I know its allergy season. All of us living in the yellow-green haze know its allergy season, but take a dadburn Zyrtec already. God loves and forgives the sinner. I’m guessing He does the same for the sneezer, the snotter, and the pollen intolerant, but for the sake of all that’s holy, please take a Benadryl.

These might seem like small issues, but, if they’re not addressed now, they’ll become the downfall of our society. Therefore, someone has to speak up now! Go forward and spread the word. And, you’re welcome.

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1 Comment

Filed under Much Ado About Nothing

One response to “Wham. Slam. And Banana Lives Matter.

  1. Tracy

    Write on!! Keep talking, O Filterless Speaker Upper!

    Like

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