Basketball, Playdough & Stain Pain

red-wine-stain-hero_1In my ongoing effort to avoid listening to political rants and to take my mind off the fact that Texas Tech basketball continues to break my heart, I watched a video on clever tips for cleaning every day messes. While I can see how some of this information might possibly be valuable if you live in a Barbie Dream House, I just couldn’t see how any of it would apply in real life.

Let’s start with dried Play-dough in the carpet. The way to clean that up is to never allow Play-dough in your house. Hospitals should give new parents a handout before they ever let them assume total responsibility for a baby. Number one on the handout should be: Do Not allow Play-dough in or near your house. If you can choose between Play-dough and cockroaches, go with the roaches. At least they’ll go hide and won’t become a permanent, rock-hard reminder of your bad decisions stuck in your carpet for all eternity.

The next problem was red wine spilled on the carpet. Again, prevention seems to be the obvious solution. Do not invite people to your house who get sloppy drunk. For the sake of argument, though, we’ll assume the wine was spilled because someone inadvertently had a massive seizure (probably from watching Texas Tech basketball lose AGAIN in overtime by one stinking point). Video stain-remover girl suggests using equal parts hydrogen peroxide mixed with dish soap. Forget that. Open a bottle of white wine, pour some on a rag and blot up the red wine. Then finish drinking the white wine. Of course if you can just spill the red wine on the part of the carpet where the Play-dough has calcified, then you can just centralize your problems and put the couch on top of it.

The video continued with getting crayon marks off furniture. My tip on that: Keep them. Those sweet-faced, innocent angels grow up and trade crayons for car keys. At which point, you treasure those crayon marks. Instead of wasting your time cleaning those up, sit on the couch with that open bottle of white wine and watch a few games of college basketball. Maybe cheer for a team that doesn’t choke in overtime which would pretty much be anyone playing Texas Tech. If I could only figure out how to clean up that hot mess!

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