I don’t know why so many people waste their time judging others based on stupid, superficial things like the melanin levels of their skin, their stand on a power greater than themselves or how they cast their ballot. I could care less how well you wear the color orange, what you do on Sunday morning or if you wrote in Mickey Mouse to be governor of Idaho. However, I believe there are real points that separate us all into one category or another.
A friend of mine recently stated that he judged people by how well they navigated the self-check lanes. Yup. That’s valid. We’ve only had about 20 years of watching the demonstration. Where do you go that there hasn’t been a cashier scanning your stuff? It’s not that difficult to replicate the process on your own, especially with the disembodied voice telling you to “place the item in the bagging area.” But, if you can’t get it, and I’m trying hard to accept and love you even with your short-comings, please use the cashiers but try to pay attention next time.
Straight up, I’ll judge you based on your opinion about the designated hitter. There’s something fundamentally wrong with anyone who thinks the pitcher should have a free pass with the bat in a game where the point is to hit the ball to get on base. That’s why it’s called baseball and not Pitcher’s Mound Ball. It just makes zero sense. You’d never have a rule in football that you couldn’t tackle the quarterback. If the pitcher was that precious, there wouldn’t be a whole bullpen full of replacements! Be forewarned that when I’m the Commissioner of Major League Baseball, that mess is going to get cleaned up. American League pitchers might want to start taking batting practice now.
And, I’m not ashamed to admit, I’m probably going to judge you on whether or not you have a library card. How do you not have a library card? They’re free. Then you get to read books that are free. There are movies, too, if you can’t force yourself to read a book. (Force yourself to read a book anyway.) Get a library card!
Of course, there are good people and then there are cilantro eaters. You’re one or the other. And honestly, the other stuff I can probably get past.
(Thank you, Judge Judy, for being the spokesmodel for this blog post.)