Tag Archives: Blue Bell Ice Cream

Berry Suspicious

blueberriesI bought a pint of fresh blueberries recently at the grocery store despite the fact that they cost more per berry than an ounce of pure silver. But, I’m trying to eat better, so what the heck. I splurged. It wasn’t until I got home that I noticed that the label on top of the container said, “I am healthy!” … Wait. What? Was there a question about that? They’re blueberries not chocolate chips!

Okay, now I’m suspicious. Why would they say that? What kind of world do we live in that we can’t just trust blueberries to be what you expect them to be – healthy? I mean, if you’re really blueberries the fruit and not actually BlueBell the ice cream, then you don’t need to state the obvious, do you? Or do you?!

I completely understand that blueberries plus pancake batter, lots of butter and warm maple syrup might tip out of the healthy spectrum. Blueberries that are just an adjective to describe cobbler or pie justifiably don’t make the health nut cut. And just because blueberries are part of the Red, White, and Bluebell flavor of ice cream, there’s no way you can call it healthy even if you squint and lie to yourself. But these are just plain old naked blueberries supposedly fresh out of their natural habitat wearing nothing but what God gived ‘em.

So I started reading the label more closely. Maybe there’s something that they’re trying to distract me away from seeing. Okay, these blueberries came from Canada which rules out my suspicion that maybe they’d been imported by the Columbian drug cartel and this was an effort to keep them from being confused with kilos of cocaine. Although isn’t Canada frozen over right now? Where exactly are they growing blueberries in the snow? Again, suspicious.

All I’m going to say about this is that the cherry tomatoes grown here in Texas don’t feel the need to be defensive. And for that matter, the double chocolate Oreos don’t either. You don’t see “We’re Not Healthy!” stamped all over those. No, they quietly list off their refined sugars and processed flours and preservatives in discrete small print on the back. They’re just Oreos and we accept and embrace them for just being what they are. Which, obviously, I can’t say about blueberries anymore.

1 Comment

Filed under Much Ado About Nothing

Plans for the Powerball… Nevermind

powerball_ticket_616I didn’t play the Powerball. Who am I kidding? I don’t have that kind of luck. The Angel of Good Fortune is kind enough to provide me with front row parking anywhere, any time. And, if she’s paying attention, she usually turns traffic lights green for me, too. I’m extremely grateful for these generosities and don’t wish for things I’m not destine to have like a checkout line that moves quickly or winning the Powerball. However, if I had won, I would have put the bazillions of dollars to good use in order to better the world as a whole. No, really. I would have.

First thing I’d have sat down with the nice people at the Blue Bell Creamery and found out exactly how much money they need to clean up the whole listeria mess and get all systems running at full tilt again. Not that I don’t thank the good Lord and every saint in heaven for the fact that chocolate and vanilla are back on the freezer shelves, but let’s get ‘er done and put caramel turtle fudge back in the line up! Truly, I see that as a service to all humanity and don’t know anyone who would argue.

My next stop would be the front office of the Houston Texans. For goodness sakes, someone has to buy them a quarterback. I’d have had endless cash; how much does a quarterback cost these days? I don’t mean the schlock they’ve been stuffing into a jersey the past couple of seasons (okay, pretty much since they started – I still have David Carr nightmares), but a real quarterback that can actually throw a pass to his own team and win a game. While I’m writing checks over there, I’d have thrown in a few more million on JJ Watt’s contract just to make sure he doesn’t go anywhere else. Ever.

Then with what was left, and honestly I don’t care how much it would cost, I’d have spent whatever it takes to make the Kardashians, plus anyone and anything associated with the Kardashians, go away. Additionally, I’d have taken part of my money and bought a pair of Levi’s for every woman who hasn’t gotten the message that pajamas and leggings are not pants. Then they’ll have no excuse. Seriously, ladies, for the sake of everything holy, stop it. Just stop. For my dad who has always been there for me, I’d have bought him something sporty and blue with bucket seats. Or sporty and blue with a button collar. Whichever he prefers. Because I’m good like that.

With a plan like that, I’m surprised they didn’t just call and give me the money! Not that they still can’t. Those other people who actually won will understand, of course, because how could they disagree with a plan like this?!

Leave a comment

Filed under Much Ado About Nothing