Tag Archives: gratitude

Thanks Liam Neeson

Liam

Who are you gonna call?       Liam Neeson 

Recently, in the middle of a really crazy busy day, my internet service went out. For that matter, the whole electronic support system to my house went out. Of course, my first thought was that the line had been quietly cut by ISIS as part of their plot to abduct me to a life of militant radicalism. I’ve read enough creepy thrillers to know how all that works. So I sent a last final farewell text to one of my best friends, who, instead of contacting Liam Neeson (because he always saves abducted people), she told me to look around and be grateful for the things that did work. Here’s what I came up with.

I’m grateful that I don’t have a urinary tract infection. Anyone who does have a UTI, I’m really sorry. Have some cranberry juice on me. Urinary tract infections are in the top zone of the suckage scale and I’m truly thankful I don’t have one.

I’m grateful that I don’t need hair plugs. I’m not saying the time won’t come when I will, but right now, I’m solid. I actually have the kind of hair that’s begging for the wild, 1980’s big hair look to come charging back, although in modern translation, my look is more Crazy Cat Lady. One day, I’m going to be that old woman in the nursing home with stark white, Albert Einstein hair in a style that makes you question my competency. But I probably won’t have plugs, so feeling the gratitude there.

I’m grateful for the bag of snail bait in the garage. I don’t think garden snails fall under the protection of the animal rights groups. And even if they do, too bad. I say, “Come to mamma, you slimy little, flower-eating brother of a grub!” In the war for the roses, I’m bringing out the heavy artillery. Load up on the poisonous appetizers, you escargot wanna-be’s!

I’m grateful for my hot water heater, Amazon Prime, places that now sell wine on Sundays before noon, and other people’s dogs. I believe in a cilantro-free world of equality, peace, and well-used turn signals. I have a deep, honest appreciation for Liam Neeson consistently saving the abducted sequel after sequel. But mostly, I’m grateful that terrorists haven’t really cut my internet service and I’m another day as a non-radical extremist.

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Much Ado About Nothing

I’m thankful for lightning bugs. Really.

fireflies
It’s November which means Thanksgiving. Beyond being an excuse to put on ten thoroughly enjoyed pounds at the end of the month, it is a time to remember the things we’re thankful for. Personally, I am blessed way beyond what I deserve. If you know me at all, you’re probably nodding your head in agreement right now at the truth of that statement. So here are a few things for which I have extreme gratitude.

I’m thankful for places like Jiffy Lube so that I don’t have to change my own oil. I’m not saying I couldn’t change my oil, but it could very well cause a spill equivalent to the Exxon Valdez. I thank the good Lord for every day that I’m not required to perform an algebraic function greater than control+ALT+Delete. Not to mention every day that I continue to have the good sense not to wear pajamas in public and that I’m still able to order things in restaurants that do not have cilantro in them.

I think we can all agree that Happy Hour at Sonic pretty much makes everyone’s life better, mine especially. Even at full price, a Route 44 Vanilla Diet Dr. Pepper puts you one step closer to a better world. Put a small stack of Oreo cookies next to that and your gratitude bucket is topped off and overflowing. Can I get an “amen!”

Who among us is not thankful for lightning bugs? Fireflies are the coolest thing in the bug world and universally make everyone happy. If I had to be an insect, I’d want to be a lightning bug, because what could be better than having the ability to fly and have your rear end light up at night. At the same time. This has to drive every living cockroach insane with jealousy which makes it all that much better. I’m thankful that I live in a world that still has fireflies.

I’m thankful that I live in a country where everyone has a voice, even if they use that voice to stay really stupid things. Not that I’m judging, because, let’s face it, I’m given this blog to say whatever stupid thing I want. And it gets posted on the internet for tens of people to read. I am, in fact, blessed beyond what I deserve.

(Thank you firefly.org for the cool picture. I’m thankful for that, too!)

2 Comments

Filed under Much Ado About Nothing