Tag Archives: millennials

Ash Bashing

A burned, half-eaten biscuit, with a few crumbs, on a white background.I don’t know what it is where you grew up, but at my childhood school, Grandparents’ Day meant bringing your parents’ elderly living parents to school. Alive. You could even bring an older person who wasn’t necessarily related to you but filled that role of a grandparent in your life. The key element being that they were actually still alive. One girl in Davis, California brought her grandfather to school to share with her friends, except she’d baked his cremated ashes into cookies and passed them out.

What happened to the idea of respecting your elders? Maybe it’s a bigger issue to me now that I’m tipping into that elder category myself. While I loved my grandma more than anything on earth and I do really love a good chocolate chip cookie, combining the two does not magnify the love for or greatness of either no matter what angle you look at it. I love endangered baby harp seals. I love lasagna. That does not mean that I want to combine the two into an ill-gotten, macabre casserole to share with unsuspecting friends.

What makes it all even weirder, there were kids that ate the cookies knowing that Grandpa was an ingredient! One of those students, Andy Knox, said that despite containing “tiny grey flecks”, there was no way to tell it was human remains. “If you ever ate sand as a kid, you know, you can kind of feel it crunching in between your teeth, so there was a little tiny bit of that.” Okay, remember that kid’s name. If he ever runs for office, do not vote for him no matter who the other choice is.

Investigating police officers had to figure out what laws cover baking deceased human remains into food and tricking people into eating them. Is this a food and beverage violation? I don’t know, but scientists say that despite how distasteful in every possible way this is, there was no risk to the cookie eaters.

First you have Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards snorting his father’s ashes with way too much cocaine (Seriously. Google it.) and now this. What happened to the idea of Rest in Peace. That’s peace as in peaceful and leave me alone once I’m dead. Not piece of your next recipe. Lord! Kids these days!

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cowDid you know that 48.8% of Millennials felt climate change was the most critical issue facing our world today and that 78.1% said they’d be willing to change their lifestyle to protect the environment? I do my part and recycle and stuff, but I’m going to let younger, more energetic minds worry about the big issues, and I’ll worry about things like, why do cows all point the same direction when they stand together in a field? Maybe it’s part of climate change.

After you find the answer to that one, can someone please tell me why several days of sub-freezing weather only kills vegetation that has been paid for? If I paid good money for something in my flowerbed, it’s dead. Frozen, mushy, brown and dead. But the weeds come back energized and heartier than ever after their winter cryo-therapy. Why?! If I bought weeds, would they die? Could I shred up some dollar bills for mulch for a better effect than wasting those same dollars on weed control and Round-Up®? Wouldn’t that be environmentally more responsible than applying all those chemicals anyway?!

Here’s another good questions that maybe anyone can field: What’s an Instant Pot? Is it not cool to just have a Crock-Pot® anymore? Or is an Instant Pot just a Crock-Pot on crack? Maybe it should just be called a Crack-Pot. In so very many ways, I think that might fit.

I realize I could just ask Alexa or Siri or whoever the unseen-but-all-hearing entity is that lives inside the electronics that seem to have invaded my life. Except I don’t understand those either. To be honest, I’m still utterly fascinated at the magic of radio waves. My television screen had a message telling me to speak my request into my remote control. There was a time when doing things like that would get you a one-way trip to the booby hatch, so I’m not sure I’m completely comfortable with that quite yet.

Oh yeah, and can someone tell me why a good pair of scissors comes in a package that can only be opened with a good pair of scissors? Not to state the obvious, but if I had a good pair of scissors to open the package, I wouldn’t, well, need to open the package.

You see, Millennials, why I leave it to you to fix the big things.


Filed under Much Ado About Nothing