Tag Archives: stupid

Can’t Outsmart Stupid

pods“God grant me the detergent to wash my clothes, the food to fuel my body, and the wisdom to know the difference.” I honestly thought that the Tide pod thing had reached the pinnacle of stupid until I read a headline in the New York Daily News that said “State lawmakers implore Tide to make less tasty-looking detergent pods.” Obviously someone hasn’t realized that you can’t out-think stupid.

In case you’ve actually been leading a productive, useful life and missed it, the youth of today, the leaders of tomorrow, think its fun to challenge each other to explode one of the plastic laundry detergent pods in their mouth. While this might get a bunch of other idiots to watch you do it on YouTube, it also gets you a certain level of priority in the Emergency Room since you’ve likely just poisoned yourself.

Ok, so we can all accept that teenagers have a propensity for stupid. As I recall, teenagers of my Dad’s generation had a thing for swallowing live goldfish — although in their defense, live goldfish aren’t considered deadly bio-hazards. My generation covered ourselves in baby oil before lying in the sun which is why so many of us are dealing with skin cancer. You can already see the increase in risk and the decrease in smart.

What has me smacking my own forehead in utter amazement is that government lawmakers – people that someone actually cast a ballot and put in office – are now trying to pass legislation to keep companies from making anything but food look like food. Have we devolved to such a level of ignorant that this has to happen?

If people will eat Tide pods for fun, then I can assume there are people who will still be reading this, so I’ll just say again: You can’t out-think stupid. Before you ever pass the law that requires soap to look like dirt, teenagers will have long found something more ridiculous and dangerous to do. It’s obviously not enough to just go out and win a trophy, since everyone has one of those.

The way I look at it, teenagers are finally washing their own mouths out with soap. If they could find a way to paddle their own rear ends, there might be a glimmer of hope for the future of our society.

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Don’t you just hate it when…

Don’t you just hate it when someone you love and respect raises the standard expectations of life just a little bit? Don’t you hate it when they decide to be just that much better of a human being? You’re then faced with the decision to continue schlepping along as you were or step up your game, too. I hate that. My dear friend, Hana Bashe, publicly declared recently that she was taking the word “hate” out of her vocabulary in order to be a kinder, more positive person. Well, shoot.

This friend happens to be one of the funniest people I know, snort milk out of your nose kind of funny. On a regular basis, she inspires me to laugh more and snarl less. Naturally, then, what could I do but accept the challenge to no longer hate? It hasn’t been easy.

Moving forward from this point, I will only have a deep level of disregard for creepy clowns, injections, doing push-ups, cilantro, the New York Yankees, and shopping for bathing suits. There is no reason here to hate. The New York Yankees come really close to being a reason, but I’m striving to be a better person. And I’m an Astros fan, so who am I to throw stones?

Okay, here’s a big one: I will find a way to be more tolerant of stupidity in all its forms. Surely there’s a way to do that, even if I haven’t quite found it yet. From grand scale stupidity like the creation of mosquitoes to every day household stupidity like buying a Sham-Wow. Maybe tolerant is too big of a goal. Let’s just say I won’t hate stupidity. So passionately.

I will no longer say I hate snakes. I will agree to simply find their slimy, slithery selves repulsive and frightening. Should I hack one repeatedly with the business end of a hoe until he is well minced, the snake will understand that it has nothing to do with hate on my part.

Or, I could be perfectly honest and say that I hate snakes in every fiber of my being. I hate push-ups, clowns, shots, cilantro and bathing suit shopping and no amount of time in my happy place can change that. Everyone hates the Yankees or should. I really hate how stupidity has become a national pastime. But I LOVE that I have a friend who is above all that.

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