Tag Archives: Whataburger

Whata What?! But Wait!

800px-Whataburger_Texas_TreasureOn February 23, 1836 the great State of Texas was under siege from a foreign source with nefarious plans to take away a foundational key to all that is great about the State of Texas: Remember the Alamo! August 8, 1950, Texas further establishes it’s predominance as the epicenter of Oh-Hell-Yeah when the first Whataburger opens in Corpus Christi. Recently, Texas again went under attack. A group of carpetbagger Yankees from Chicago bought Whataburger.

While I’m sure it was a universal response when the news was announced, my knee-jerk reaction was to saddle up, join the forces, storm the beaches and take it back! Having Whataburger guided by anyone who doesn’t understand that the stars at night are big and bright teeters close to being sacrilegious. How this even happened is unfathomable.

Then I took a minute to fathom it. In their defense, the carpetbagger Yankees do want to expand Whataburger further past the confines of the Red River and into places like, hmm, well, uh, how about MICHIGAN! Now I’m putting away my Bowie knife and considering the full impact of this. Honey butter chicken biscuits would go a whole long way to making Michigan and just about everything north of Dallas a better place. Maybe these northerners are the way they are simply because their lives have lacked Whataburger ketchup all this time. Think of how much closer we’d all be to world peace!!IMG_6375.JPG

Texas didn’t hold back Nolan Ryan from the rest of the world and yet he never forgot where he came from. Fire ants, FEMA trailers, fajitas, Frito pie have all carried the banner of Texas and maintained their integrity. Okay, maybe not the fire ants, but whatever. Dr. Pepper, Tito’s Handmade Vodka, and even Bluebell Ice Cream can be found beyond the borders and are none the worse for it. I think we have to have faith that even if you take the Sweet and Spicy Bacon Burger Whatameal out of Texas, you can’t take the Texas out of the Sweet and Spicy Bacon Burger Whatameal.

Is it really fair for Texas to selfishly withhold Whataburger from the rest of the country? Shouldn’t everyone be able to get a #1 cheeseburger with bacon, jalapenos and extra pickles, a side of fries and a root beer shake in the drive-thru at 2:20am? Come on, people, this is ‘Merica!

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Texas v Colorado

Flag-Pins-Texas-ColoradoI’m a firm believer that everyone should travel. You learn a lot about other places and people, and then you really appreciate what you’ve got when you get back home. Go ahead and hop in the car for a road trip past the state line (which, if you live in Texas, will take you a couple of days to reach – yeehaw Texas)! Personally, I just spent a bit of time outside of this great State and was amazed at how odd some of our nearby neighbors can be. Let’s take a look at Colorado, for example.

First of all, Open Carry has a completely different meaning there. In Texas, we’re all packing. But we’re packing a weapon that, until recently, was concealed and now is proudly slung on the hip John Wayne style. In Colorado, they’re packing spray. Bear spray. Because in Colorado, you’re going to get eaten by bears not gators and probably trampled by moose instead of bulls. And just so you know, bear spray is not applied the same way that mosquito spray is. To a bear, covering yourself in a fine film of bear spray is not unlike putting butter on popcorn. In the same way you’re not going to spritz each little individual skeeter that threatens to drain a pint. Things there are just a bit weird.

Did I say weird? Let’s just huddle up and sing a round of “Kumbayah” while we talk about some of the local folks. These are people that have graduated with honors from the Willie Nelson Master Gardener Program. It seems every corner is crowded with a liquor store, snack shop, and a dispensary. A dispensary is where you can go for your “organic healing” and to meet with your “alternative medical practitioner.” All of which is very likely driving business to the liquor store and the snack shop, if I have to guess.

Like wow man, that is totally so cosmic and psychedelic fur shur, but, well, not for me. I think I’ll stick with my Cigna-approved providers, skip the energy healing, pass a drug test with flying colors and just head on back home to Texas where taking a trip means you’re heading to Austin for the weekend. Dorothy had it right when she told the Wizard of Oz that “there’s no place like home.” Texas may not be heaven, but it’s got Whataburger and, for me, that’s close enough for now.

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