Tag Archives: women

I Don’t Get It


Brace yourself! I’m going to show my ignorance once again. While this is not a novelty, the target of that ignorance is: car shows. I just don’t get car shows. From what I understand (which obviously isn’t much), you have a vehicle that you’ve spent a sum equivalent to the national debt on but don’t really drive and you park it somewhere so other broke car collectors can come look at it. Did I get that right?

I totally get home and garden shows. You go to one of those and get ideas for outdoor kitchens that can potentially cost more than the value of your actual home. Plus, you can register to win two rooms of free carpet cleaning. You go to bridal shows because where else can a girl find out about intergalactic destination weddings and trending must-have bridesmaids’ dresses that will look ugly on everyone? I suppose if I was looking to invest in a steer, a llama, or an adorable dinky donkey, I’d go to a livestock show. Even quilt shows, for some reason, make more sense to me and I can’t so much as sew on a button. But not car shows.

They seem, though, to pop up everywhere. I feel like the minute K-Mart or Sears post the Store Closing signs, they might as well post the car show coming signs. Any big parking lot is just a car show waiting to happen. At night, no less! How can you truly appreciate the factory-original valve covers of a 1966 Shelby 427 Cobra in the dark? (Note: I had to Google engine parts and cool classic cars to even write that sentence.)

I say if you have a really cool car that you’re really proud of, drive it! A lot. Having a beautiful car hidden in the garage under a car cover is not much different than my grandmother putting plastic on her sofa to keep it nice for the one day a year that the Baptist preacher comes over.

My suspicion about car shows – correct me if I’m wrong – is that they’re just an excuse for guys to hang around somewhere besides at home, give them something to talk about besides the losing record of the <insert sports team name here>, and have a valid reason to avoid the home, garden and bridal shows!

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Purse Problems: Just Me?

purseI know women who change their purses as often as they change their shoes. They’re always perfectly matched and coordinated which seems just a little shifty to me. Can you really trust a woman who can’t commit to one purse for more than one day? I say not. Personally, if I find a purse I like, I want a bond with it that will outlive the Apocalypse. Unfortunately, the purse usually taps out long before I do which is what happened recently, forcing me to find a new purse. Oh, the inhumanity of it all.

The only thing more daunting than purse shopping might be finding jeans that fit right or a bathing suit that doesn’t cause debilitating emotional trauma. For me, the process involves looking at every single available purse in a two state radius, narrowing the field to approximately ten possibilities, then taking everything from the outgoing purse and testing compatibility with the new candidates. If you’re someone who doesn’t do a regular purse purge, this is a bit embarrassing to do in public. And that’s today’s lesson learned.

Who knew I still had an individually wrapped Hostess cupcake that was given to me by a woman selling no-stick cookware. It was a bit worse for wear considering how many times my wallet must have been dropped on it. I found the garage door opener for a house I haven’t owned in 8 years, three gently used Kleenex, a jury summons, an expired asthma inhaler, and what may have or may not have been a contact lens. I had a lip balm without a cap, one earring, and four grocery store coupons paper clipped together that had expired during the Clinton Administration.

Because I have the same level of devotion for my wallet that I have for my purse, the new purse has to match the old wallet. I also don’t want to cause my wallet undue stress by purchasing a purse that costs more than my house payment. Oh, and the new purse has to pretty much match everything I could possible wear. I’m not sure if I want a purse so much as the messiah of leather accessories. You see my struggle.

But good news: After two weeks of carrying my purse possessions around in a plastic bag, I have a winner! That problem is now solved for another two decades!

(Note: The pictured purse is NOT the one I ultimately settled on, thank you for asking. However, if it’s more your style, it is available at WalMart.com.)


Filed under Much Ado About Nothing